Timothy Treadwell

Born Timothy Dexter. Classic narcissist. Reformed alcoholic and drug addict, might not have entirely straightened out. Claimed, without verification, to have been the theoretical second choice for the role of Woody Harrelson's character, "Woody" Boyd, in Cheers. Became a wacky pseudo-environmentalist wingnutscrewballsup who travelled to Alaska from round about 1990 to his death in 2003 to try to get ... close to ... bears. Documented his exploits on videocam, some of said footage making the guts of Werner Hertzog's biopic "Grizzly Man". Ended up doing a Michael Jackson impression over steaming bear shit. Came to believe he was the bears' last good hope, and started ranting on-camera against the wildlife service, humanity in general, et cetera. In the autumn of 2003 he tried heading back south to be with his family or other friends; at the airport he got into a towering rage with somebody and failed to board the plane, instead returning to the Alaskan lake shore where he had spent the summer. Unfortunately and despite his assumed name, in so doing he didn't tread very well at all. In the meantime his favourite bear clan had all gone into hibernation and another group had moved in to time-share the place, where a few weeks later Treadwell was reminded of the six basic relationships an animal species may have with other animals in the wild: you ignore it, it picks off your parasites, you pick off its parasites, you fuck it, you eat it, it eats you. This list included the last option, and unfortunately he had taken his latest girlfriend along for the ride as well. After the bears had dined on long pig to their hearts' content the park rangers arrived to collect the leftovers and shoot the bears. Living proof (better still, dead proof) that you shouldn't believe everything you see on Walt Disney movies.