Wyoming

A hardscrabble, desolate, windswept dump masquerading as a state. It is populated by uncouth, uneducated, oafish, doltish, unfashionable, unattractive, not particularly friendly and often quite frightening cretins. I unconditionally guarantee you that you have never seen so many squalid trailer parks or filthy pickup trucks. It is cold and the roads, which invariably feature potholes the size of Utah every two feet, are ice covered and dangerous for many months out of the year. This inhospitable place is as tough on tires and cars as it is on its sad, marginalized residents. There are "ground blizzards" which often make the already ridiculously faded lines marking the road lanes impossible to distinguish. There is only one university in the state - though tiny Wyoming Catholic College did open last year, making two institutions where one might pursue an academic degree higher than the Associate of Pipeline Welding. Meth use plagues the already traumatized populace, lending an ugly, menacing aura to many Wyomingites. You will find them (men, women and children alike) to be an incredibly foul-mouthed lot. It is one of only two states in the U.S. with no gay bar. There are three malls in the state - in Cheyenne, Casper and Rock Springs. They are little more than glorified WalMarts, however. You will find no Saks Fifth Avenue, Lord & Taylor, Neiman Marcus, or even a Pottery Barn, be assured. Tattoos abound. Bookstores don't. Bad teeth do, along with stringy hair, leathery skin and filthy clothes which look like they were pulled directly from the Salvation Army reject dumpster. Even enduring the morning or nightly news from Cheyenne or Casper is a punishing, depressing experience. Cheyenne's newscast is marginally (but only marginally) better than Casper's K4. One can only imagine where K4 found that silly, dressed-like-an-absolute-buffoon fat blimp guy or that seemingly sweet but frumpy as all hell girl (or the anorexic girl who reports on the weekends). Or who in the hell designed that pathetic 1970s set for the studio. Wyoming is a hard drinking place with far more than its share of trashy, skanky little saloons. That's just about it, though. There is appallingly little of anything else - least of all hope. I recommend reading Annie Proulx's 'Close Range: Wyoming Stories' to get an accurate portrait of Wyoming. It includes eleven short stories. Among these is 'Brokeback Mountain'. You can skip that one if you are a homophobe like most Wyomingites, and just read the other ten (which aren't "gay" or "bi"). The two gay/bi sheep herders in the short story 'Brokeback Mountain' are not even likeable - so it isn't gay "propoganda" for you paranoid types. They are uneducated high school dropouts, one of whom has buck teeth and the other has a strange growth on one eyelid and a fat ass/large hips to boot. Neither is particularly honorable or decent, not that anyone else in the collection is either.