Squirrelysterle

A "Squirrleysterle" is a person of either sex who is so niggardly and tight they will do anything to save a nickel. Whenever possible a "Squirrelysterle" will try in any conceivable manner to cajole, beg, or borrow from others (whether friend or slight acquaintance). He feels his needs are uppermost in importance, and has no qualms about any methods of acquiring same. In some circumstances, the words petty theft could be employed. A "Squirrelysterle" is most comfortable and best known to crash any social gathering, whether invited or not, with only one aim, to consume as much as humanly possible. At a potluck dinner if they know they will be seen entering, a "Squirrelysterle" will slyly sneak in the door discreetly carrying a small bag of chips as their meager offering. Shamelessly, they arrive early and stay late. "Squirrelysterles" have actually been seen saving free food by stuffing their pockets as well as their stomachs. Normal folks cringe in horror, as small youngsters marvel at a "Squirrelysterles' consumption abilities. Hence the term, "Squirrleysterle". In "hog heaven" at church functions and political rallies, "Squirrelysterles". truly believe the table of goodies is set up exclusively to allow them to eat in a manner so they may not have to provide their own sustenance for several days. A "Squirrelysterle" will always manage to sit closest to the food table in any gathering so he/she can replenish their insatiable appetite with three or four plates of the delicious offerings the other normal folks/cooks have contributed. They love others' home cooking! If in a social setting such as a restaurant or bar, and by some unforseen quirk of fate a "Squirrelysterle" is actually cornered for payment,(like a deer in the headlights) the "Squirrelysterle" will slowly and painfully drag out a couple of sweaty, curled, one dollar bills from his pocket. At that point, he will look dazed and appear to have a panic attack , quickly looking left and right as if in need of some type of medical assistance. "Squirrelysterles" never leave tips for service, and usually do not carry a billfold as a convenient excuse not to pay any more than absolutely necessary. "Squirrelysterles" have been known to swiftly exit a charity event so as not to be noticed or caught and asked to pay the pittance requested on the large sign above the food. "Squirrleysterles", upon arriving in a city where they wish to stay over, will look up old ex-sisters-in-law,or folks they have not communicated with in many,many years, in hopes of being offered to "stay the night", just to keep from paying a hotel tab. When a male "Squirrelysterle" celebrates a major holiday, it is usually after the church they may attend clears the decorative floral memorials from the front of the sanctuary. Whereupon, they rush to take the droopy, worn out flowers to their wives or girlfriends, or perhaps just set them around their home to enjoy looking at something that was free. They will actually make their own name stickers in an attempt to crash a function which they have no intention of paying to attend. Mannerless and brazen,they will borrow vehicles and trailers to use and when finished, leave just enough gas to roll into the yard of the latest victim who foolishly loaned them the equipment. There is a "Squirrelysterle" in every circle. Some will even horn in on folks who are quietly trying to have a family meal in a restaurant. The "Squirrelysterle" will pull up a chair uninvited, and hog the conversation, hoping to get their ticket taken care of in the angst, confusion, & embarrassment they cause. Their monologue is usually negative drivel so the food goes down hard and uncomfortably. "Squirrelysterles" usually are well off financially, and live long, useless lives. Most "Squirrelysterles" have squirreled away so much in their nests, er, homes they must walk carefully to keep from falling or otherwise injuring themselves among the piles of useless debris.