Shambutter

Shambutter originated as a joke among a group of friends. When discussing methods to clean a firearm, one friend revealed that he lubed his using a cream that bikers put between their naked skin and "shammies" to eliminate chafing. As a result of the conversation, "Shambutter" was born. Shambutter is used to lube anything. You can lube your firearms with it, not only guaranteeing its functionality but also extending its lifespan by several decades. You may, with permission of course, lube your "partner" with it if so desired. Shambutter, when mixed with water (aka "shammywater"), provides a very nutritious drink that, unbelievably, slides down the throat even more effortlessly than water itself. It also lubes your organs on the way down. These are just a few examples of what shambutter can do. In fact, the better question to ask is "What CAN'T shambutter do?" It cannot cure cancer. Yet. It cannot prevent death, but it may forestall it depending on its usage. It does not guarantee that your sex life will improve, but if you do attempt it you will definitely be one slick son of a gun. Also, it does not guarantee that you will be bulletproof, as it will not stop a bullet fired at a perfect 90 degree angle. However, if you are naked and completely covered with shambutter, any variation in degree of the bullet other than a 90 degree angle will most definitely result in the bullet sliding off your body with no harm to you whatsoever.