manitoba

Manitoba is ridiculed by Canadians from other provinces, particularly grown adults who live with their mommy and daddy, as "the armpit of Canada". It is however completely ignored by Americans altogether who aren't sure whether it is a province or a kind of martini. It is one of the five "forgotten provinces" (the others being Saskatchewan, Nova Scotia, PEI and Newfoundland). It's capital is Winnipeg (or "The Peg"). All Winnipegers will tell you that the city is named after Winnie the Pooh. Some do not recognize Manitoba as a valid province because moose outnumber people five to one. These people have therefore merged it with the neighbouring forgotten province, Saskatchewan, to form a megasuperprovince called "Saskitoba". It's capital would therefore be the megasupercity of "Winnigina", pronounced win-nuh-JAH-ee-nuh. Fun Factoids about Manitoba --------------------------- * Manitoba can range from +40C (as in New Delhi) to -40C (as in Antarctica) so most bums either fry onto the pavement in the summer or freeze to death in the winter. The snow trucks and streetsweepers manage to scoop most of their body parts away. * Manitoba is the first province to give women the vote (way back in 1916) which is why you don't even wanna THINK about fucking with Manitoba chicks. They will slice you. * At just over a million people, the population is far too low to have a murder rating. One murder to a Manitoban would be like... the holocaust. So it just doesn't happen despite the myths you've heard. * Most Manitobans live only in its capital, Winnipeg, and three-quarters of Manitoba is a superlarge Indian reservation. Oddly enough, casinos are everywhere but this may be an unrelated phenomenon. * Manitobans made seperatism and speaking French cool before it became the fashion in Quebec. * Some drunken half-Native, half-French dude named Louis Riel founded Manitoba. He kicked major whitey ass. He would slice you too just like the Manitoban chicks if you pissed him off. * Manitobans speak a unique dialect of English which is a special blend of French, Ukrainian and Elvish. Eg: "Borrow me that book" means "Lend me that book". "This city sucks!" means "I really love my motherland!". * The main religion is Goth. Second is atheism. * Cool Manitobans live in a place called "Osborne Village" which is filled with gays, hippies, goths and s&m rubber fetishists. * While Northern Manitoba may very well have igloos, the Greater Winnipeg area has real buildings made of materials other than ice, like wood, stone and concrete. * Licence plates read "Friendly Manitoba" and they _are_ friendly to everyone except the KKK and snobby brats with a silver spoon in their mouths and who have fake dyed blond hair who came from Vancouver and then complain that they hate being stuck in Winnipeg because it's nothing like Vancouver, blah, blah, blah, go die. Overall, rather than being the stinky butthole of the country, it is an unappreciated jewel trapped in the bowels of the remote prairie nougat core of North America.