Tesco

A large British supermarket chain, notable for its incursion into almost every area of consumer products. Although the company's name is "Tesco" it is usually referred to in the possessive case "Tesco's". Often pronounced as "Tesquo" as well and thus as a contraction "The Squo". Tesco employs the latest in mind-control technology and for this reason you will find it very difficult to spend less than around £30 there. No matter what you go in for, you will almost always spend a minimum of £30. How this is done remains a mystery. Tesco prices are usally pretty cheap; this is due to their policy of selling products at less than they were bought for in order to underprice the competition. The long term aim is to destroy all other businesses in the area by outpricing them. Once this is achieved, and the only shop around is Tesco, then the prices go up. One day all shops will be Tesco, if this aim is achieved. Tesco recently attempted to colonise America; this was done very secretly and quietly, to the extent that when questions were asked about what was being done with this warehouse and all this stock, they replied that they were making a movie about a supermarket! Tesco opened 800 stores simultaneously in the US; they knew that US shoppers tend towards brand loyalty and they hoped that the sudden appearance of Tesco in many locations would persuade US shoppers that Tesco was an acceptable brand. Whether or not this strategy will succeed remains to be seen. In short, Tesco is an evil empire; cheap prices now in order to achieve a monopoly later, mind control employed in stores to gain an average per-customer take of at least £30 per visit, and the aim of putting everyone else from small traders to supermarket competitors out of business.