Tanner

A Tanner is a man of great magnitude, comparable to the gods themselves. He never ceases to amazing those around him. If there was a book written about his life, it would be split into two sections; before you read his book and after, it’s that life changing. If that book were to go to audio tape, Morgan Freeman would be required to be the narrator. On a scale of one to ten, he is easily a certified twenty. P Diddy wakes up feeling like him. I assure you he is extremely better looking than Mick Jagger, yet he never gets kicked to the curb. Oh, and his moves are far more superior. He has to keep a fence around his house at all times, because no matter what he is making in the kitchen, people all around try to get in his yard, and trust me, it is better than yours. He has a ranch full of baby panda bears, ligers, and humpback whales that he is teaching to perform Hamlet. His intelligence surpasses that of Socrates, Einstein, and Steven Hawking combined. His writing is as elegant as Shakespeare, but as pleasing as Dr. Seuss. If given the choice between eternal happiness and a Krispy Kreme doughnut, he’d take the doughnut because it’s something he doesn’t already have. If his life were a movie, Spielberg, Bay, and Lucas would all direct it. He is often called Superman. Not because he is super humanly strong (though he is very strong) or can fly, but because Kryptonite is his only weakness. If there were one word to describe Tanner, it would be ‘Scrumtrulescent’.