Reuters Cramp Mug
NOTE TO STAFF & WEBMASTER: The definition below is best viewed in the "Unicode" version of the font "Courier New" (to see all of the symbols such as the middle-dot "·", schwa "ə", etc. Please do whatever you think necessary to make it viewable for all on your website. Thanks in advance. {Definition} Reut·ers Cramp (Roit'·ərz-Krămp) NOUN: 1. The sudden and accute optic, occular-motor and cerebral pain (sometimes, with attendant seizures) resulting from reading too many news articles, viewing too many news videos or both, by the news agency Reuters. Usually complicated by the factor of: The sheer number of articles (in rapid succession) over a short span of time that mention themes, categories or situations (such as "bail-out") that have been over-done and drilled-into-the-ground so often (in the last umpteen weeks/months/years) as to cause instant nausea. Or (in the case of one isolated incident -- known to THIS lexicographer) reading said news articles less-than 30 minutes after eating 9+ pieces of syrup-drenched baklava. NOTE: Potential warning signs may include, but are not limitted to: Drooling, profuse enuresis (sweating,) sticky hands and face with a desire to drink milk or inject insulin and a Herbert Lom -like eye twitch. Post-trauma effects many times include Reader's Block. WARNING: Reuters Cramp may also happen with the reading of other, non-related, news agencies articles; and may in fact, not even be related to Reuters. {based-on the stem name "Thomson Reuters" -- "...the world's leading source of intelligent information for businesses and professionals." Although Reuters was first Identified as the offending source; it was quickly realized that it just SEEMED this way due to it's notoriously accurate and continuously up-to-date reporting. The most likely actual causes are the journalistic professions and news moguls that purvey hyped-up-tripe and over-sensationalized, easily-digestible, candy-coated mega-doses of non-sensical minutia; delivered ad infinitum, ad nauseum by sycophantic reporters, "ratings-whores" producers and the illustious major news corporations that they represent; in a non-stop, streaming frontal-lobe-assault of the general public. However, this is JUST speculation at this time.}
The Urban Dictionary Mug
Customer Reviews
this is my new piss mug
Cool
I got this for my dad but he didn’t want it so he just gave it to me. Ever since I took it back my life has been the greatest it’s ever been. I asked my other dad if he wanted but he said no too. Oh well, I get to enjoy this product for myself more.
It was the greatest mug I've ever ordered :skullll
This mug has made me so happy. This is more than I could have ever wanted in life.
My friend loved it.!!
I like it, but not a lot. Also, the mugs are overpriced.
i luv it! great quality and actually the same hight as mossoflife!
Loved it, my co-workers liked the mug.
best mug every i get to wake up every morning to sip out of my sexy lama mug
I really like this mug. It’s quite bizarre and helps me live a quiet life in my small town of Morioh, Japan.
briliant buy great gift for my grandkid! love it!
This mug saved my life from spiraling down a deep dark path.
Great present for my wife, she uses it all the time, and it's her to a T.
I love it. High quality. Just as I had hoped.
This mug looks great! I love it!
I have a crippling addiction to these mugs, i have 459
This mug is wonderful it’s so funny and I gave it to the kid that made the Definition and he started dying laughing
War. War Never Changes. War, war never changes. In the year 1945, my great-great grandfather, serving in the army, wondered when he get to go home to his wife and the son he never see. He got his wish, when the U.S. ended WWII by dropping an atomic cloud on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The world awaited Armageddon, instead, something miraculous happened. We began to use atomic energy as a nearly limitless source of power. People enjoyed luxury once thought in the realm of science fiction. Domestic robots, fusion powered cars, portable computers. Then, in the 21st century, people awoke from the American dream. Years of consumption led to the shortages of every major resource. The entire world unraveled. Peace became a distant memory. It is now the year 2077, and we stand on the brink of total war, and I am afraid, for myself, for my wife, for my infant son, because if my time in the army taught me one thing; is that war, war never changes.
Excellent satire - didn't see comments to that end, so find it hard to fathom if most readers, in turn, didn't laugh out loud, and say so. But apparently not.