hockey

A human phenomena often resulting when a small group of people stay out in the cold weather too long, and decide the best way they could possibly spend their time would be to grab a hooked stick and start chasing a flat, round, frozen and rubber object around a sheet of ice, and make up rules to make the whole thing appear credible. They'll find some poor, naive chap and put him between the pipes to shoot the puck at under the pretense he is protecting the net. The game inherently evokes anger amongst it's players, which can often only be relieved by momentarily pausing the game so that two players can attempt to punch each other as frequently as possible. Hockey is the most insane team sport currently known to man, followed closely by Aussie Rules Football. Players often use a stick specifically designed to propel the puck at high speeds (although harder shots do not make the game more exciting and the composite stick is the worst thing to happen to hockey since Billy Ray Cyrus's villainization of the mullet). The stick is similar to the design of a golf-club, but with a "blade" instead of a "club" at the firing end. Due to the violent nature of the game, players are equipped with near full-body protection, although some areas are less protected than others. Hockey is best epitomized by the goaltender position, whose job it is to get hit by a frozen rubber object that is often propelled faster than 100 mph. Players are encouraged to block shots in order to spare the goaltender from having to be the only players to get hit. Players on the professional level often suffer from concussions - Michel Goulet and Adam Deadmarsh are two examples of great hockey players that had to retire due to concussion. Brett Lindros is an example of a player that had to retire early due to concussions. Hockey is the only single entity that remotely binds Canada as a society, followed by curling (the thinking man's hockey). Is also somewhat popular in some northern American States, as well as many cold-weather European nations. Players often skate much faster than an athlete can run, resulting in mind-numbing open ice hits. It's easier to understand how hard they hit if you go to a game. The NHL is hockey's elite league, best known for it's constant altering of major aspects of the game (like the off-side rule), making ridiculous rules (the trapezoid crease extension) whilst deciding not to adopt good ones (European icing), and persistently pushing the game in non-hockey markets (i.e. Atlanta, Carolina, Dallas, California) with varying or negligible amounts of success. To it's credit, the NHL's on-ice penalizing system isn't getting as ridiculous as the NFL's on field rules, and frequently does improve the game. Hockey has been recognized as the most difficult game to officiate. Hockey officials must also be in better shape than most other professional officials. Whilst every other league in the world removes and suspends the athlete for fighting during a game, hockey generally penalizes them for five minutes. Players have developed their own unofficial on-ice code (especially over the last twenty years or so) in regards to violent personal altercations (otherwise known as fighting). Professional players will occasionally fight each other just for fun (a concept difficult for people who grow up in large cities to understand re: City Slicker).