Ethan

Physically, the average Ethan is built like a dropped lasagna: wide, confused, and oddly dense. They seem to possess their own gravitational pull — not metaphorically, but in the very real sense that small objects left unattended might begin to orbit them. While they claim a devotion to combat sports involving heavily padded fists and dramatic grunting, their physique suggests significantly more experience with buffet lines than training lines. Every Ethan insists he's "in a cutting phase," yet somehow stays permanently in bulk mode. Ethan's aesthetic is a wild card: usually sporting an unbrushed curtain of shoulder-length hair that looks like it’s been soaked in gym sweat and regret, but occasionally opting for a sudden buzzcut. This transformation is often accompanied by declarations like “new me” or “just focusing on the grind,” which last about as long as their latest attempt at meal prepping. Colorblindness is a recurring Ethan trait, tragically evident in their wardrobe — a chaotic blend of camouflage, neon accents, and gym merch that looks like it was selected in a blackout. Emotionally, Ethans are deeply invested in energy drink flavors, YouTube fight commentary, and their belief that they could have gone pro if they hadn’t “tweaked something in their shoulder back in high school.”