Urban Dictionary Tees

Boner Shock: Expressions or actions performed that causes your boner to go into "shock" or go back into the flaccid stage.

shark porn: chilling cinematic moments when hungry sharks chomp on underwater aluminum cages, filled with divers, during TV news stories and so-called documentaries

Bag Texting: When you try not to be rude texting while you are out with friends so you hide it by texting with the phone still in your bag. This is an attempt to trick people that you are with into not thinking you are rude when in fact it is so obvious when you are standing there with your bag open and your whole hand is in the bag, holding your phone, texting.

can't hug every cat: An idiomatic expression similar to "you can't have your cake and eat it too". The phrase originated from a viral youtube video in which a girl professes her love for cats but is devastated that she can't hug every cat, despite how much she wants to.

Facebook necrologist: a person who never misses a chance to post a "R.I.P. insert name" status update in Facebook as soon as any celebrity dies.

money hugger: Opposite of tree hugger. Unscrupulous, money hungry, money collecting individual or company willing to do anything and destroy anything on this planet to get their fix - more money.

Sports Cry: The Permissible act of a sports fan or athlete, usually a male, shedding a quiet tear in celebration of their team's accomplishments. Also acceptable at the end of a classic sports motion picture. Only one episode of sports crying is acceptable per situation.

good lookin' out: A phrase used to show appreciation to someone that helped you out.

fat hangover: The horrible feeling after indulging on too much food, similar to the hangover of alcohol. Fat hangovers have almost all of the same effects of regular hangovers. Fat hangovers, however, usually occur right after eating or when going to sleep.

JFC: Acronym for Jesus Fucking Christ

slide to unlock: A phrase used to describe a girl that is "easy". They are just like the iPhone, as simple as slide to unlock.

AFU: Short for "All Fucked Up". Meaning usually some thing or situation that is messed up, broken, disorganized, or failed.

Maintenance Texts: Sending text messages to those people you'd like to date "Someday" or "eventually" to remind them that you exist. It's a low effort way to maintain a connection without having to really commit to anything serious.

cinephile: A film or movie enthusiast.

Last Chance Undies: Your last pair of clean underwear, reminding you that this is your last chance to wear any unless you get your laundry done; that pair of ugly old underwear that you reserve for an emergency.

skin-thirty: a reply from someone who doesn't have a watch, usually said after someone asks what time it is.

Fuckit List: A list of people, male or female, you want to have sexual intercourse with before you die.

bail whale: n. (bail-wail) a. Someone who leaves when they are needed.

carmageddon: A state of extreme traffic backup where one becomes so frustrated they feel the world is collapsing around them.

precrestination: To thoroughly clean one's teeth before visiting the dentist for a teeth cleaning.

Sexting: The unauthorized, non-maritime use of sextants in our schools.

Facebook Minute: (n) an elongated and obscure period of time spent distracted on Facebook when the original intent was to merely check your messages.

Text Purgatory: The time period one waits for a response to a flirtatious text.

add to cart: 1. an Internet Era phrase used to communicate one's intent of purchasing or engaging in something. 2. colloquialism for yes

Whack it Off: Similar to "Walk it off." An appropriate response when conversing with sexually frustrated individuals who have no future mating prospects.

biological footprint: The amount of offspring you bring into this world.

ugly cry: A type of crying that can feel really good and really bad at the same time. The ugly cry can occur after a severe tragedy in one's life, or simply for no reason at all. You know you're doing the ugly cry when you lose COMPLETE CONTROL of all of the muscles in your face, start heaving and making awkward sounds (even though you are trying really hard to be silent), and start leaking fluids from every opening on your face from your hairline to your chin (yes, this includes the mouth). Without a doubt, by the time you are through with your ugly cry episode (if it was genuine) it will look as though you are a homeless person with pink eye who got punched a few times in the face and was hit my a monsoon; this is completely normal (and generally the time to call up a good friend).

Guysmaids: A gay guy's groomsman.