Urban Dictionary Tees

The Airport Effect: The temporary increase in self importance that individuals assign to themselves while waiting at airports. Future passengers suffering from the airport effect often portray more serious facial expressions, increase their cell phone speaking volume if discussing business matters, and perform fake work on their laptop near heavily populated areas.

cock 'n balled: When someone draws a penis and testes, dick and scrote, or cock and balls on a possession of yours, most typically a car. The 'drawing' can be birthed from a finger wiping through dirt, sharpie marker, DNA, or anything else that would commonly be regarded as hilarious.

Granny spam: Unwanted, non-personal email received from a family member, friend or colleague. Granny spam has usually been forwarded several times and concerns such inane topics as childish jokes, dubious political propaganda, spurious computer security alerts or claims of monetary recompense in exchange for forwarding of said spam. Subject lines are often of the form "FW: FW: FW: FW: bullshit" Origin: Usenet, circa 1990-1999.

associate's walk: When you approach an Associate in a Big Box Store and request directions to an item or a department, the Associate will "guide" you to the location, using a very specific, walk style. They will walk in front of you and their pace is slowed down, similar to being the first car in a motorcade.

lightweight reader: Someone who gets sleepy or passes out shortly after starting to read.

ambisextrous: Having the ability to masturbate successfully with both hands.

qwerty nosedive: Falling asleep at the keyboard

St. Patrick's Day: Wear green. Go to parades and bars. Drink Guinness. Get snot hanging drunk. Act like an idiot. Blame March 17th.

tranq: (Short for tranquilizer.) 1. A sedative, or the act of sedating. 2. Any chemical substance used for calming a human or animal through injection or ingestion.

skinny fat: This is when you look skinny but you have an untoned body. a.k.a. the stomach area

Steak and Blowjob Day: Celebrated on March 14th, Steak and Blowjob Day is a holiday for men, celebrated the month after Valentine's Day -- a holiday for women. The idea is simple: no cards, flowers, candy or other whimsical gifts. Ladies (and gay men), you simply bestow your partner with a steak and a blowjob. Not necessarily in that order.

dental swag: the complementary stuff with which you leave your dentist’s office: toothbrush, dental floss, etc.

malemployed: When what you do for a living makes you want to kill yourself.

brown carded: When a person does not wash their hands after taking a dump they receive a brown card. Similar to a warning in sports.

relationship material: n. A status bestowed from one individual upon another exemplifying satisfaction anticipated from maintaining a relationship with that individual. This evaluation is highly subjective and typically reflects a great deal of personal preference. However, this term is usually used in situations where the relationship is not exclusively sexual (i.e., it is not used to describe a fuck buddy).

SMTA: abbrev. "Sick minds think alike." It is a variation of GMTA.

rdc: abbreviation for 'really don't care'

totes: (abbreviation) stands for totally.

politics: The fastest way to piss off anybody and make enemies.

and what: Short for 'And what are you going to do about it'

Reality Show Off: A reality show person who changes behavior, usually more obnoxious, when the cameras are rolling.

get a kennel: A nice way to tell someone that their incessant display of affection for their dog or cat is causing you embarrassment as one who is forced to watch such display

401KO'd: When something drastic happens in your life that causes you to take a serious financial loss. Economic downturn on a personal level.

weird part of youtube: the part of youtube where one encounters very odd videos, such as the retarded running horse, retarded dog, and drunk squirrel.

leap of faith: Having to use a public restroom (for #2) that has either no lock on the door to said restroom, or no lock on the stall you are using.

pocket pool: To stick your hand in your pocket and scratch your balls.

Business Casualty: When someone wears business casual and it looks horrible.

Shmacked: To be so drunk or so high to the point of not being able to function.