Toms River Tee

'Suburban' town with a population of about 90,000. Don't ask me how THAT works out... Home of like... 11 elementary schools, 3 intermediate schools, and 3 high schools. Intermediate North is still West to us, and nobody likes Intermediate South because now we have the effing 6th graders. Anyway. We don't go 'down the shore' because we are ON the shore. We go to the beach aka. Seaside Heights, which is always a great place to get into a fight. Goddamn fucking bennies come here from New York and crowd to our beaches, then ask for directions.. and they wonder why they end up 10 miles from where they wanted to be. The term 'tommies' originates from a person who lives here. Everyone knows your name because there is at least one person talking shit behind your back at all times. After the movies, you only go to the mall across the street to get stoned. The mall is where you go BEFORE a fight. Then you cross the street to the movies.. and fight. At HS North, you will run into stoners. Frequently. Because everyone knows that High School North is actually called 'Heroin High.' We have a big rock, too. Did you know that? Toms River is also known for the Little League World Cup or whatever that we won a few years back. The best place to get stoned is right across the street from a police station. I'm talking about Castle Park, you know. Just down the road from this police station is Heroin High. Yeah. We like risk. Our mall is just called the Ocean County Mall because Toms River is one of the bigger cities in Ocean County. Doesn't mean the mall is of any decency.. I mean.. the only good parts are the emo kids, stoners, and getting into fights. People at North are only 'Made' because North is the most popular HS. Nobody would care if someone from the other two were Made. People here in general are only made because MTV made Seaside Heights their summer home for a couple of years... and everyone knows that Seaside is actually not a seperate town. Here, we consider Seaside a PART of Toms River. Kinda like Silverton. Or Silverhood, if you want. But you have to cross a bridge to get to Seaside. We have Wawas. EVERYWHERE. Applebee's is the place to be after a dance. So much so, that you are not allowed to be there after a dance at Intermediate East. Houses here sell for about 300,000. Without property. Oh yeah. Our tap water causes cancer. But don't tell that to the bennies.