whiny bitch

doesn't matter it doesn't matter anymore no one even comes to my page ... but I need to vent every night I feel the tears run down my face, from the mistakes I have made in the past,I wake up every morning with the dried tears from crying in my sleep, I don't know what I am here for anymore, people try and help but for some reason it doesn't work. they try there best but I still hurt from what I have done. just want one person that can understand what I think how I feel . but seems when I find it that. it leaves me some how in someway either my fault or not... what have I done to deserve the pain. the suffering. the tourment of seeing in my head you in someone elses arms. when I sit alone in the dark. no light no one even there to hear my cries. no one there to help me. nothing left. there is nothing I can do to fix my mistakes. I am lost for ever in this void. in this black abyss. when the one thing that helped me out before . is fadeing into the dark. hearing the laughter of others shouldn't hurt. but it does and it kills me even more. the worst pain in the world. the slow torture of being forgotten. and left behind. to have everyone slowly go on and for get what we once had the dreams we shared the plans we had. knowing that it will never be true. knowing that it will never happen or that there was never a chance that it would of. ever been. I did all I could. I have no reason left to talk to anyone. all that fallows me is pain. not on others. but only myself to blame. to destroy all these emotions would mean Iwould have to become no longer human. is it a sin to love . if not why am I being tortured for loveing to much. these feelings I had for all will never be gone. but I slowly slip back back into my mind back in to the lonlyness I once felt before I meet any of you.. soon the loving person everyone once knew will be gone the pain is to much for this one soul to bare. so I shall leave behind the once loving once careing person I used to be. to become a hollow shell to not feel anymore... to not be hurt by words or actions any more. to not be hurt by empty promises...not talking about suicide.. just changeing who I am waiting for the days that it shall return if ever... my love once returned now I have nothing. no love in return no anything.... whats the point in going on with this love if it is never returned.... is there a point yes I have friends but not one understands what Iam going through . no one does. once I belived someone did but they went and stabbed me through the heart... the funny thing in a dream they actually did stab me through the heart and I woke up in tears and pain.... why must my dreams be so real when your not there... why must the pain be so worse ... call me emo but if you went through what I have you would be the same..... if only you knew.... if only anyone knew..... does it even matter.... hehe my eyes are swelling with tears yet agian so I must go or my typeing will get much more sloppy... all I wanted was to feel you in my arms..... but that shall never be agian good bye.....