St Neots

A market town on the A1 in Cambridgeshire notable for it's large ratio of ineducated chavs to normal people. The town gets it's name from some theiving bastards around a thousand years ago who nicked the bones of St Neot (From St Neot in Cornwall) and drove them over here in a Vauxhall Nova, after hearing that the town is great for racing round, or generally just sitting in their car every night waiting for 13 year-olds to suck them off in Riverside Car park. Popular cultural landmarks are the Priory and the New Inn. Other beautiful, friendly nightclubs could be listed here, but there's a new one shut down each week, so there's not much point. As the largest town in Cambridgeshire, it's barely on the map because people think Huntingdon is 'way cooler'. It's also the birthplace of the only person ever to assasinate a prime minister: John Bellingham. After realising that this man had balls, the town mayor at the time, decided to re-name the market square to Bellingham Square. It was later renamed back to 'Market Square' when it was realised that nobody could spell Bellingham. St Neots has always wanted to have a cinema, but many plans are rejected because many of the town's occupants don't have a mental age above 8, rendering most films unsuitable for viewing by the local public and therefore not such a good money-maker.