White Hot Karl

The White Hot Karl is, by definition, the hottest Karl conceivable in 3-dimensional spacetime. As the temperature of a Karling Manouevre is a measure of both its literal warmth and its level of contact intensity, this technique qualifies under both categories. How the WHK is performed: The principle device for administering the procedure consists of an array of hot watter bottles (between 10 and 18) fitted to an elaborate system of tubes that terminate into hypodermic needles. Clamps should be fitted to the bottles to prevent any accidental self-Karling during preparation. The administrator, upon donning a thermoprotective gown, shall heat 3 to 5 pounds of his or her own feces and bring it to a boil (another person's feces may be substituted, in which case the person administrating the procedure shall be properly referred to as 'proctor'). The hot water bottles shall be filled with the boiling feces, the bottles clamped off, and the hoses and needles attached. (Note: great care should be taken in the selection of the materials to ensure their thermoresilience.) At this point, the recipient shall be placed on the Karling table in the supine position and any video equipment should already be calibrated and ready for use. The hypodermic needles shall be placed at random into the face, neck, chest, and head of the recipient and the clamps removed from the bottles, thus allowing the near-boiling-temperature liquid feces to be deposited directly into the body, erotically coating the cardiovascular, musculoskeletal, and lymphatic systems. After a successful procedure, it is customary to watch an episode of Oprah in the fetal position while sipping shiraz from a plastic mug.