Cortlandt Manor
Cortlandt Manor is a realtor's fiction in Cortlandt, the furthest northwest township in Westchester County, NY. In it you will find quaint old farmhouses, cul-de-sacs dotted with grossly gargantuan McMansions, sad old-age homes, pathetic retirement villages, and white-trashed trailer parks. Economically both better and worse off than Croton-on-Hudson (home to the nouveaux riches families and NASCAR dads), it is adjacent to the urban embarrassment known as "Peekskill." The township was so humiliated by the presence of African-Americans in its community that it petitioned the USPS to create a separate Zip Code (10567) that distinguishes it from its darker sister (Peekskill: 10566). In the center of the town, the so-called Cortlandt Town Center, stands a United Artists Multiplex flanked by a hair-do establishment and pizza joint (with not-too-shabby pizza). To experience the full range of its denizens, go to the adjacent Walmart at said Center and count the number of teeth ( = n) that you find in the mouths of the shoppers ( = S) on any checkout line. You will find that at any given time nS < 32. The town has no focus, no personality short of calling itself "The Gateway to the Hudson," which basically means that it's a sewer pipe. It is a hell for those who can't drive and a vicious purgatory for those who do. It contains a farm where you can watch the decapitation of your Thanksgiving turkey or the slaughter of your Easter lamb, a place coincidentally close to Walter Penis High School, one of the two centers for higher education in the area (the other being Hen Hud, whatever that supposed to mean--probably a reference to chickens). All in all, living in Cortlandt Manor is better than living in Putnam County.
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Size Guide
Measurements may vary by up to 2" (5 cm). Pro tip: Measure one of your t-shirts at home and compare!
A - Length
Measure from the top of the collar to the bottom hem
B - Width
Measure across the chest from armpit to armpit
Size Chart
| Size | Length | Width |
|---|---|---|
| XS | 27" | 16½" |
| S | 28" | 18" |
| M | 29" | 20" |
| L | 30" | 22" |
| XL | 31" | 24" |
| 2XL | 32" | 26" |
| 3XL | 33" | 28" |
| Size | Length | Width |
|---|---|---|
| XS | 69 cm | 42 cm |
| S | 71 cm | 46 cm |
| M | 74 cm | 51 cm |
| L | 76 cm | 56 cm |
| XL | 79 cm | 61 cm |
| 2XL | 81 cm | 66 cm |
| 3XL | 84 cm | 71 cm |