george bush

n. (jorj booch) 1) 43rd President of The United States. 2) 21st century American leader who’s rise to power necessitated the downgrading of Caligula, Nero, and King George IV to ‘moderate’ twits in the History of World Politics Almanac. 3) American president who frequently confused a Scottish terrier for that little black briefcase containing the DEFCON 1 nuclear alert codes, and carried it with him on the Marine 1 helicopter as a result of the mistake. (Ironically, most of his staff was actually relieved when he made this mistake.) 5) The Bush family's equivalent of Fredo, in the Corleone family. (Except for the part about ‘banging cocktail waitresses two at a time.’ Substitute countries.) 6) The first American head of state to argue that Raphael was a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle during a presidential debate. (The American electorate took this as a comforting sign that he was not a member of the 'liberal elite,' and re-elected him.) 7) The political equivalent of Wile E. Coyote: ie-despite having unlimited access to Acme giant magnets, sling shots, rockets and vanishing cream, somehow managed to: a) Be too stoned to hit the bottle when asked for a urine sample, requisite to getting flight status in the Alabama Air National Guard. b) Go broke in the oil business in Texas in the middle of an oil boon. c) Not realize that Osama bin Laden was about to attack the United States after being handed an intelligence bulletin entitled "Bin Laden about to attack the United States" two weeks before Bin Laden attacked the United States. d) Invade Iraq in an attempt to capture a flea-bitten rat scrotum who was actually living in Afghanistan at the time. (Although, the confusion in geography was clearly President Clinton's fault for getting spooge all over the official White House Atlas.) e) Whip the American public into a xenophobic frenzy against Arabs as an election issue, then sell American ports to Arabs in an election year, then claim he didn't know what he did, but that he was going to defend to the death what he didn't know he did. (see: clusterfuck.) f) Appoint his Harvard room mate Jim Ignitowski to be head of FEMA, despite having bunrt out most of his brain cells with LSD during the 60s. g) Nominate a candidate for the Supreme Court who's only obvious qualification for the job was that she was an expert in pulling his metaphorical ding-a-ling. h) Constantly shoot his fellow Republicans in the foot. (A variation of the tactic commonly employed by VP Dick Cheney to raise party funds.) 8) A generally good natured and nice guy whom you would like to be leader of your kids in summer camp, but not necessarily leader of the free world in the new millennium.