Flex Officer Mug
Flex Officer (noun): An elite-tier desk goblin who lives rent-free under the Captain’s desk, occasionally surfacing to breathe through their nose holes and remind everyone that “they’re special.” Born from the unholy union of nepotism and weaponized whining, the Flex Officer is the workplace equivalent of a trust fund baby who thinks mopping is a hate crime. They don’t work at the jail — they grace it with their presence. They don’t get mandated — they get massaged. Their radio isn’t even connected — it’s just Bluetooth synced to Spotify where they’ve got a playlist titled “Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss.” Key Attributes: • Can hold their breath under a desk for 2 hours straight if Daddy Captain is rubbing their back and whispering, “You’re my little soldier.” • Cries “unfair!” with the power of a soap opera widow anytime someone asks them to… do their actual job. • Works half a shift, takes a full lunch, and still needs a mental health day from the trauma of watching other people do things. Hierarchy of Enablers: • Daddy Captain: Wears khakis so tight you can hear his thighs beg for help. Bends rules like he bends over to scratch the Flex Officer’s belly. • Mommie Lieutenant: Pretends to discipline but calls them “my baby” when no one’s looking. • Uncle Lou: Definitely has something sketchy going on! Fun Fact: The Flex Officer once got an award for “Most Improved” after showing up to roll call on time… once… in 2019.
The Urban Dictionary Mug
Customer Reviews
i use my mug for sperm donation
10/10, great for taking a massive shit in. Overflows if its more than 2 pounds, but its part of the fun, right?
Needed one to gift to my colleague in pests exptermination department, takes care of my bug pretty well. Damn well of a bugger, if I would, ol' chap. 😌
My nan bought this mug, took one sip and died on the spot. absolute joke.
it was day my mug had just arived i went to the door and grabed the box i closed the door AND BAM thge mug flew at me knockingme to the grouynd when on the ground the mug unzipped my pant a flew up my ass 10/10 loved it would buy
I love pooping in this mug, great experince. But if you do more than 1 pound as I do, search for a bigger one
i love men and cups so this cup was perfect for me
Amazing mug, really high quality, I love it!
fantastic, personal gift to share with anyone!
The mug arrived very packed and on time. I love how well crafted the coffee mug is. I plan on ordering other merch from URBAN Dictionary soon. Thanks.
It morbed its way into my anus, a bit weird, but otherwise happy with my purchase
After watching that anal jar video, I felt inspired. That's when I found this mug.
FUCK YEAAAAAAAA! MUUUUGZ WOOOOOO
Happy with my purchase
amazing I will buy this. it will be my child. I WILL BE KING OF THE 0w0
I loved this mug! when i drink out of it it always has a horrible stench and honestly i dont mind because i love smelling it. my boyfriend thinks i should throw it away because he says "its has lead poisoning" but i cant get rid of it. when my mom died i bought her a mug that said "deceased" because i thought it would brighten the moment when i open presents at her funeral (it worked). but if your looking for something to buy, you should really get one of these mugs. they are cute, nerdy, and remind me of my dead mother!
Yay. I got a mug... And it has the most accurate definition of my name ever lmfao. The quality is great and it's totally worth the price. For me, at least :)
The accuracy is real! My husband and I have 3 daughters. Our last name is Staats, in UD was spot on! Unbelievable! I got it to my husband just in time for Father's Day! Lol!
love it sm, gives a clear understanding of the word every sip thankyou
I nutted in the mug. Loved it!!!!!!!!