Kansas City Hedgeclipper
This is a sexual act involving three (3) males and one (1) female. The female must be completely unshaven in her nether regions (i.e. The Hedge). The performing male lays completely naked and erect on the ground of an outdoor track 17.38 miles from the nearest Arby's. The two assisting males then pick him up by the ankles and wrists, bending him back so that his arms and legs are stretched backward with his erect penis facing forwards, thus resembling the shape of a hedge clipper. The volunteering woman is then willingly tied to a large sheet of particle board while naked at the 69-meter mark on the track. The board is angled at 60 degrees (pi/3 radians). The two carrying males now begin charging at the woman, third male held firmly in their hands. They stop running just short of the woman, the carried male's penis mere centimeters from entering his lover's poontang. The carrying males back up to the 0-meter mark and run up again, stopping just short once more and retreating. On their third and final attempt, the carrying duo charge at the woman (with the third still being carried) with true intent. As they reach the woman, they lift the third male slightly higher. This causes him to miss the vagina and ram his girth into the area just above it. The angle of the woman, combined with the speed and raw power of the man, result in a gargantuan frictional force that obliterates any trace of hair on the woman's meat flaps. Thus, the Kansas City Hedgeclipper has been performed.
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| Size | Length | Width |
|---|---|---|
| XS | 27" | 16½" |
| S | 28" | 18" |
| M | 29" | 20" |
| L | 30" | 22" |
| XL | 31" | 24" |
| 2XL | 32" | 26" |
| 3XL | 33" | 28" |
| Size | Length | Width |
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| XS | 69 cm | 42 cm |
| S | 71 cm | 46 cm |
| M | 74 cm | 51 cm |
| L | 76 cm | 56 cm |
| XL | 79 cm | 61 cm |
| 2XL | 81 cm | 66 cm |
| 3XL | 84 cm | 71 cm |