Gnat

AKA Friut Fly AKA Nature's Asshole At birth, gnats are given three objectives in life that they feverishly carry out with as much enthusiasm as a swinger at a wife swap. First, they must at all costs have an innate desire to locate the nostrils of homosapiens and fly straight in to them no matter how visiously they are swatted at. Second, baring deflection from nostril penetration, they are given an intense sexual desire to mate with the human uvula. Typically the man or woman being attacked are so busy shouting obsenities at the gnat so as to allow easy access in to the mouth and straight to the back of the throat. Third, they are drawn to the sweet, sweet odor of feces. This causes a high concentration of the little assholes where ever there is a place mired in shit, such as open sewage lines, and your work place. Presently there is no way to destroy gnats permantly, however a good clapping of the hands have brought many a gnat to their compressed demise. In 1915 a Dutch farmer, after becoming violently enraged from swallowing one to many gnats over a humid summer, devised a gnat trap which are still in use to day. Striking a blow for human kind everywhere these traps are comprised of sucrose water made to smell like the uvula which draw gnats in and drown them in a watery tomb. This of course is only a temporary measure as they tend to re-appear a week later after one of your asshole co-workers leaves a banana to brown on his desk thus starting the cycle over again.