Newport Beach

A city in Orange County, California; home to most of the rich, conservative jerks that make up Orange County's power base and shadow government. The cosmetic surgery capital of Orange County and white collar crime capital of the United States. The typical Newport Beach resident is a Rabid Republican with Money (the most damaging kind) and wishes that Ronnie Reagan was still President. Like many of the rich and entitled, residents live by the credo "Do as I say and not as I do." To fill the empty void in their lives, the women spend their days in the vapid pursuit of material goods and bigger and better boobs; the men spend their days snorting coke, screwing their wives' girlfriends, and practicing crony capitalism; and the children spend their days smoking pot, surfing, and hating their parents (who they will of course grow up to emulate). The city, on behalf of and with generous assistance from its wealthy residents, tried to engineer the building of a huge, noisy, and polluting international airport at the abandoned El Toro Marine Base adjacent to neighboring Irvine. These Bush Pioneers/Assholes claimed that the unnecessary airport dangerously close to the Santa Ana mountain range was "sorely needed" and would create "thousands of jobs"; in actuality they believed that jets should fly over Irvine's middle class homes and not their own. As part of the scheme the recently remodeled, taxpayer-financed airport next to Newport would have been converted into a small craft facility to be used primarily by themselves. However, Orange County voters refused to be hoodwinked or allow their property values to be undermined and the airport was resoundingly defeated, and the base zoned for parkland and annexed by the city of Irvine. Thanks to putrid TV program "The O.C.," half of America thinks that all of Orange County is like Newport Beach (the other half think it is like the putrid "Laguna Beach"). This misconception serves as a wellspring of rage and shame to Orange County's more literal-minded residents.