R. Lee Ermey

The actor who carried out the role of quite possibly the coolest film character of all time, Gunnery Sargeant Hartman in "Full Metal Jacket." At the drop of a dime, he could gouge your eyes out and proceed to skullfuck you. Loves the Marine Corps and his country, but can't stand subordinates who are "fucking comedians" or doughboy privates like Vincent D'Onofrio's "Gomer Pyle." For the record, never let the man find a jelly doughnut in your foot locker, for he'll have no reservations in ripping your balls off so that you cannot contaminate the rest of the world. Ermey has also appeared in films like "Saving Silverman" and "Willard," and hosts his own show on the History Channel entitled "Mail Call." Lives under the assumption the piles of feces can only be stacked as high as 5'8 inches. Rumors that Ermey had once been romantically involved with one Mary Jane Rottencrotch are, as of this moment, still unknown to be factual.