Joburg Mug
Johannesburg. Coolest city in the world. It is the most dangerous city outside of a war zone. It has the friendliest people in the world. It can both take away and restore your faith in humanity on the same day. The Northern Suburbs are so green that they're one of the largest artificial forests in the world (just drive north on the M1 past the St.Andrews street bridge, and all you see is trees to the horizon, with a few buildings sticking out at Sandton, Rosebank and Randburg). In Joburg the traffic cops take cheques and the minibus taxis and nightclub bouncers are run by the mafia. Beggars at the traffic lights earn more than doctors and roadside hawkers actually go onto the highway in rush hour. The streets change names 3 times a year and the baggage handlers at the airport are more likely to open your bag and replace your digital camera with a kilo of cocaine than not. Every second street is closed for roadworks and the Gautrain (due to be completed in 2011, but will probably only be ready in 2014) will be Africa's first subway. A major landmark is a huge soccer-ball shaped balloon tethered to the ground, with a restaurant on it, right next to a shopping centre that looks like a medieval Italian town. Even your guard dogs, security guards and the police are not safe from the criminals, and Kyalami is the biggest equestrian suburb in the world. Edenvale is Chinese, Bruma is Lebanese, Cyrildene is Jewish, Kempton Park is Russian, Hillbrow is Nigerian. There are more goldmines than in any other city on Earth, and the central train station is the world's largest inland container terminal. Melville, Rivonia, Fourways and Parkhurst are THE places go at night, but only if you don't mind waking up naked in a dumpster with a silly hat and a new tattoo. All the cellphone towers are disguised as trees, but the tallest building in the city is a radio tower with a billboard and office on it. It a first-world city in a third-world continent, and despite everything the corrupt, bigoted thieving lying brain-dead government can do to turn South Africa into a banana republic African shithole, Joburg just keeps growing and growing.
The Urban Dictionary Mug
Customer Reviews
Cool
I got this for my dad but he didn’t want it so he just gave it to me. Ever since I took it back my life has been the greatest it’s ever been. I asked my other dad if he wanted but he said no too. Oh well, I get to enjoy this product for myself more.
It was the greatest mug I've ever ordered :skullll
This mug has made me so happy. This is more than I could have ever wanted in life.
My friend loved it.!!
I like it, but not a lot. Also, the mugs are overpriced.
i luv it! great quality and actually the same hight as mossoflife!
Loved it, my co-workers liked the mug.
best mug every i get to wake up every morning to sip out of my sexy lama mug
I really like this mug. It’s quite bizarre and helps me live a quiet life in my small town of Morioh, Japan.
briliant buy great gift for my grandkid! love it!
This mug saved my life from spiraling down a deep dark path.
Great present for my wife, she uses it all the time, and it's her to a T.
I love it. High quality. Just as I had hoped.
This mug looks great! I love it!
I have a crippling addiction to these mugs, i have 459
This mug is wonderful it’s so funny and I gave it to the kid that made the Definition and he started dying laughing
War. War Never Changes. War, war never changes. In the year 1945, my great-great grandfather, serving in the army, wondered when he get to go home to his wife and the son he never see. He got his wish, when the U.S. ended WWII by dropping an atomic cloud on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The world awaited Armageddon, instead, something miraculous happened. We began to use atomic energy as a nearly limitless source of power. People enjoyed luxury once thought in the realm of science fiction. Domestic robots, fusion powered cars, portable computers. Then, in the 21st century, people awoke from the American dream. Years of consumption led to the shortages of every major resource. The entire world unraveled. Peace became a distant memory. It is now the year 2077, and we stand on the brink of total war, and I am afraid, for myself, for my wife, for my infant son, because if my time in the army taught me one thing; is that war, war never changes.
Excellent satire - didn't see comments to that end, so find it hard to fathom if most readers, in turn, didn't laugh out loud, and say so. But apparently not.
I am gonna buy it and give it to my nine year old brother