iPod

What is an iPod? It's a little piece of metal that you plug headphones into and listen to music. I remember when I was seven and we had a device that achieved the same goal - a Discman. You can buy them nowadays for ... ohhh ... somewhere around the proximity of zero dollars. Discmans worked fine back in the day. Now that there is better technology, all of a sudden Discmans are worthless. But why? Discmans never got worse, technology got better. Worthless technology. The concept is to listen to music with no strings attached. Discmans accomplish this just fine. The iPod is capable of holding 10,000 songs. Who the fucking hell needs that much? Of the 80 million+ iPod owners in the world, how many have maxed out the space? Only about 14. Merely fourteen people have successfully filled their iPod. And strangely enough, all of these kids were in the same room at the same time. It was at the annual GROTEFP (Geekiest Rejects on the Entire Fucking Planet) convention. So you like iPods because they're smaller than CD players? That's reasonable, but how much is it worth to you to shave off a few precious inches? The iPod ends up being ten square inches smaller than the average portable CD player. That means a total of about three inches squared. It's only three inches. That's tiny, and for three hundred dollars? Penis enlargment pills offer you an extra three inches, and they're only $40-$50. Now honestly, would you rather have three inches less of audio player or a Discman and huge dick? Size wouldn't even matter then because you could just hang the player from your enormous cock. Now that the size issue is settled, perhaps a Discman isn't the answer because you require more than 3 seconds of anti-skip. Oh, wait! Discmans nowadays don't skip! Ever. That can't be what makes up for the drastic difference in money. The iPod can hold 10,000 songs. The Discman uses CDs which hold usually up to 20 songs. Perhaps you don't want to carry 100 CDs everywhere you go. Oh, wait! Discmans play mp3s now! That's like 100 songs per CD! And unlike an iPod that maxes out at 10,000, Discmans have a removable source. So if we have 100 songs per CD and potentially infinite CDs, that's ... umm ... 100 infinity songs? iPods have rechargable batteries, but so does Ace Hardware store. A bunch of new technology and impressive statistics really don't mean much. When it comes down to it, an iPod isn't that great. So why could it possibly cost so much more money than Discmans, mini disk players, and cheaper mp3 players?