Guidette

(n): The female counterpart to the "Guido" specimen. Exclusive to North America, these creatures are usually of Italian-American decsent. A Guidette can be recognized by her orange color, similar to that of the common tangerine, and their either very light or very dark hair. Guidettes have an overly sexual demeanor, and will often emit high pitch shreiks to attract mates. A creature of habit, the Guidette will spend an excessive amount of time on her appearance, and will usually prefer to don very light lipstick (often to referred to by experts as 'Semen Lipstick'), brands such as Ed Hardy, BeBe and Juicy Couture. Scientists believe they are very tolerant to chemical exposure, as Guidettes will use 3-4 cannisters of hairspray in one day alone. Although reproduction has not been studied in this species, the Guidette will usually have anywhere from 100 to 200 sexual partners in her lifetime. However, some specimens were found to have exceeded these numbers by the age of thirty. Common health problems reported in the species include, but are not limited to, alcoholism, venarial diseases (Most often strains of hepititis and herpes), sagging and wrinkled skin with a leathery texture and brain death. (Sources: The U.S. Wildlife and Game Adminstration The U.S. Center for Disease Control)