Cocaine

Cocaine, colloquially known as a "painful erection lasting for more than 56 hours", was discovered by dentists in 1255. It was immediately exported all over Hollywood and Washington D.C. and remains the biggest party gag of the late '80s. Cocaine can be found in 98% of high school girls' lockers, the bloodshot eyes of late-night party-goers, in trace amounts under your nostrils, anywhere you can't feel, and at 5593 Persimmons St. in Branson, Missouri from a guy with a beard who's named "Truck". Otherwise that gold-digging bitch did it all and left you to go party at some high-class club where they don't even allow cell phones without Bluetooth. Girls love this stuff; it allows them to hold useless conversations for hours. It also makes for a fun time snorting it off of their tits and having really fun sex.