Trojan War Hoodie

The Trojan War was a war between the Trojan army and a bunch of queers from Greece. The only heterosexual in the entire Greek nation was some spartan dude named Menelaus, who was the mentally handicapped son of the dude from 300. One day, Paris, some dude from Troy, got a bj from this chick named Helen, who was Menelaus' wife. This pissed Menelaus off and he decided to go to war with the Trojans. His brother Agamemnon, who was the leader of most of the other Greek cities (Menelaus was always the slow child) decided to go to war with them. The Trojans were the greatest, awesomest, strongest, and sexiest civilization of the time, but the Greeks gave it their all. The whole war lasted 10 years. The first 9 years were pretty motherfuckin' boring, but in the last year things got a little screwey. The champion of the Greek army was named Achilles, whose buttbuddy Patroclus got killed by some Trojan dude named Hector. Achilles was pissed off he needed to find another buttbuddy, and decided to challenge Hector to a fight. In the duel, Athena kind of Jewed Hector out of all his weapons, but Hector was still raping Achilles (medaphorically), until Hector slipped on one of Achilles' tubes of anal lube that he had dropped. Hector got a concussion and died. Achilles then tied Hector's dead body to the back of his chariot and rode it around Troy and back to the Greek camps, were he had violent anal sex with it (he liked them messy). Just before Hector died, the race for the position of King of Troy had began. Priam, who had been president before, lost to the emerging Democratic party lead by Odysseus. This is a little known fact, Odysseus was actually a Trojan dude. After those fucking democrats took over, things got pretty fucked up. Paris shot and killed Achilles with an arrow, and was sentenced to death by Odysseus for the hate crime of murdering a homosexual. His execution was carried out by Philoctetes. Odysseus' next act as President was to tear down the walls of Troy and let all the immigrants come into the city as they felt like it. He built a giant wooden horse as a welcome sign for the new immigrants (similar to the Statue of Liberty). The Greeks used this opportunity to try to invade the Trojan city. However, for some reason the Greeks were all walking with a limp that day (probably because of all the butt sex)and couldn't do shit (heh). The Trojans were able to defeat the massive army of homosexual invaders. However, Odyssues was appalled by his city's mistreatment of queers and immigrants and ordered the destruction of the city of Troy for its xenophobic actions. However, one guy named Aeneas was like fuck that and decided to run to Italy, where he founded Rome. He named it the Roman Republic so his civilization would know to always be republicans and not like those fucking liberals. Oh yah, and there's a chick who fucked a bull using a machine he friend built for her somewhere in the tale. I don't know where the hell it is.