townie

Townies are in one word; scum. They rarely have names exceeding one syllable, as this would place far too much pressure on their prehistoric-like brains. Names such as 'Dean' and ‘Dwaine’ are popular with the male of the species whereas female townies can occasionally handle more complex names such as 'Crystal', ‘Candice’, or even ‘Bacardi’. They have great difficulty in pronouncing the letters; d, h and t, amongst many others. Townie's speech impediments often rub off on each other in each other's presence, to the point of unintelligible human language. It seems that they merely communicate through a system of "yi", "alrigh’!" and "nah!” and a few other monosyllabic grunts. Townies are best recognised by their wonderful sense of fashion. ‘Nike’, ‘Reebok’ and ‘Adidas’ are amid the many sports brands which townies choose to wear while out “bowlin’ it”, a way of ‘walking’ which many have adopted, however leaves them looking only slightly impaired. Other necessary items of clothing include ‘Nickleson’ shirts worn by both female and male townies, and some form of Burberry. Sports trousers are “jacked up” and covered with pulled up sports socks advertising one of the sports brands above. Caps are also worn by male townies at various stupid angles off the head to publicise the wearers position in the hierarchy of the “crew”. Townies hate anyone who is not a townie, and so start fights with the common phrases, “Are you startin’?” “ Are you startin’ on my mate’?” “If yu’ve got summin ta say, ya can say it ta mi face” However townies rarely fight with someone that they know they cannot win against, for example 6 fifteen year old townies against 2 twelve year olds. Yet they still start fights with large groups of people as their brains are often unable to process the 6 to 1 ratio, and their inevitable defeat. For example; While innocently standing opposite the bus stop in town on a Saturday with about 10 friends(not townies in the slightest), two of the most ugly townie girls I have ever seen, with peroxide blonde hair and 2inch roots, yelled some sort of abuse across the road. Some body answered back with something amusing and of course they took this as us “startin’” so made their way over to “finish it”. Did they really think that they were going to come out on top against 10 of us with their senseless crap which they think makes them sound clever. I’m sure they have much ambition in life, such as working their way up to 5stars on their McDonalds name tag, however, their foolish “fights” seem to be getting them nowhere, yet much they think it will boost their reputation as being “hard”. We must pity the sad, sad lives of such unintelligent, hopeless people, and be grateful that we are nothing like them.