Xuxa

Post-menopausal, hooker-esque, Brazilian lady who ran her own kids show in Brazil. It ran for a few years in the U.S. as well. Usually, giant funky letters would pop out of nowhere and spell XUXA!, then she'd come down a whipped-cream covered slide (only a slight exaggeration) and yell "HELLO!!!" into a bright red microphone, while wearing a tight, spiky minidress, white lipstick, and a fez, possibly with go-go boots. At some point, she'd look at the camera and say something like, "Kids, if your house is on fire, call 911, but keep watching Xuxa!" At the end, she'd put on red lipstick and kiss innocent children (who, by the way, would hang from the ceiling by their feet and yell and scream throughout the show)/ the camera, then dive into an inflatable pool filled with Jell-O. This would be funny if it wasn't almost entirely true.