West Virginia University

Also known as “WVU” by its students, who don’t know how to spell West Virginia, this alcoholic university is located in Morgantown, WV, and coincidentally its acceptance rate of 88% is around equal to the average IQ of one of its students. Nothing matters more to a Mountaineer than drinking beer, getting piss drunk, and then throwing those beer cans when something doesn’t go their way, which is normally in the form of a football or basketball loss to its archrival, Pitt. In fact, even the (former) basketball coach loves drinking, as ex-coach Bob Huggins was pulled over in Pennsylvania with a staggering .26 BAC. If you are looking for a safety school, or just really want to never be sober, WVU is perfect for you. Despite the high acceptance rate, rumor has it that you WILL be DNA tested to make sure you are related to around 3/4 of the student body, to keep the cousin-fucking tradition alive. The school is well known for its “eat shit Pitt” chants (they are only capable of stringing together 4 words at maximum), and their constant singing of Country Roads by John Denver, a song that is actually about WESTERN Virginia, and not West Virginia, but don’t tell that to a WVU fan because you will get fists swung at you. Students live for the Backyard Brawl, but will normally just drink on any occasion at any time of day. Can’t blame them, there isn’t much else to do in West Virginia besides leave. The last good thing that came out of WVU was Tavon Austin. That’s it.