Ulverston

A small town, just outside the idilic lake district. This town is home to many festivals in which paedophiles, homosexuals, the mentally retarded and 14 year old thugs who just want to get drunk, come together to cause mass destruction and fright to all those in the town. Long haired, bandy legged moshers can be found in the town most noticeably at Lightburn park, The kiosk, various locations around the town center and ford park. It is also home to the finest school in Ulverston, Ulverston Victoria, who recenty failed there ofsted report for being too shit. The town is also home to 21 year old faggots who like to prey upon the hairy-legged, butch school girls of the town. Ulverston is situated near Barrow-in-furness and Dalton which have high teenage pregnancy rates, large amounts of drugs from the "Liverpool Underground" (I not entirely sure why underground train drivers would want to sell drugs, but hey I'm not God, Michael Barrymore is) and more violence than you could shake a stick at. There is also rumour that there is an underground tunnel from Ulverston which leads to Oz, I cannot confirm nor deny this. Recent celebrities spotted in Ulverston include Garry Glitter, Angus Deayton, George Michael and Josef Fritzel. Christmas is celebrated in March in Ulverston as many of the population of the town are either stupid or morbidly obese. The town's largest industy is chemical-making with the large "Glaxo" factory on the south coast of the town, pumping out photo-chemical smog and dangerous gases into the town causing low visabilty, lung cancer, gingivitus and scurvy. Lord Ulverston once said: "All yee who set foot through the fine walls of Ulverston shall be here-by be stabbed and thus thow body shall be thrown from thee bell tower by goats" Lord Ulverston died shortly after, in 1999, from dementia.