Two-seater

A person, usually female, with an arse so enormous it takes up two seats on a bus or other public transport. The sight of this apparition Is so remarkable that owner ceases to be a person and become just a mobile arse. The next stage usually results in the disbelieving mind asking a number of questions such as “Is it an elephant in disguise?” “How did it get into those jeans?” “Does it have its own Facebook page?” “Are the seats going to collapse?” This is usually followed by wondering “If it escaped would it attack people and ravage the countryside?” This in turn is followed by the heartfelt prayer, “Please don’t let it fart!”