Towson University

This “center of education” houses some of the hardest partiers on the East Coast…and not in the good way. The birthplace of the term “bros & hos,” Towson is populated by Jersey trash and all the UMD rejects. If they aren’t destroying the few brain cells they have left by getting blackout drunk every night of the week, they’re down in the Baltimore club scene getting date-raped by guidos on E…..who ALSO go to Towson. The wardrobe of a Towson Girl consists of leggings (which must constantly be worn as pants), Ugg boots for the winter and flip flops for the summer (although sometimes, these girls get confused and wear those stylin’ Uggs during a 90 degree heat wave and those flip flops, that double as their shower-attire, when it torrentially rains). And don’t forget their Winter North Face coats (fake fur included) and their (way too revealing) American Apparel t-shirts for those sticky Towson summers. The Number One rule for these gals at TU is to have at least 10 pounds of makeup on at ALL times, no matter what you’re wearing, where you’re going or who you’re seeing, and your hair, no matter what texture, must be straightened at least three times a day. “Did you take your trash out yet?” “No, I’ve been straightening…duh.” And for the boys…if you aren’t sporting a skewed baseball hat and some serious bling, then you’re probably wearing athletic shorts and your frat’s t-shirt at all times. TKE! Not…For those students who only destroy their brains with alcohol on the WEEKENDS…poppin’ adderall gets them through exams, homework and even class. Weed medicates their social anxiety and helps them get to sleep. Who needs that bullshit Counseling Center? And let’s not forget about Towson Sports….these kids care more about the next football game than they do about global warming…or even their own grades. And as much bragging as these frat-jocks spew out of their herpes-covered mouths, the only teams with good reputations are the Men’s Gymnastics team and the Women’s Lacrosse team. Nice goin’ guys.