Townie

Well, lets start with the obvious shall we, a townie is from the TOWN. they have rules to which they must adhere at all times to avoid being 'fuckin' batad' by their 'cru'. contrary to popular belief, townies to do not favour buying cheap, tacky fake jewellery or 'bling' at argos, as this would be far to expensive. instead they head to the local market where they use their natural townie or chav instincts to search out and obtain the biggest knuckle duster they can find. Whilst 'daan da markit' they may also spy a rather fetching 'trackie' possibly of neon colouring and fake branding (ie. nuke, adidat etc) they will purchase this outfit and wear it, trousers being tucked into their socks. Those amongst them who dare to be different (heaven forbid) may wear, along with said tracksuit bottoms, a jacket embroidered with the words 'boston', 'babe' etc. The females of this species (origins are uncertain, although scientists are doing research) will wear their hair scraped back on their heads. It is also very likely they will have used the contents of Boots’ stock room of hairspray so not one lump or bump is visible. The males will not have this problem as they have no hair, simply a shaved head and a cap placed carefully at 90 degrees to their empty heads. (they must also have a black eye so as to gain the respec of their ‘posse’) Finally, if you are unable to spot a townie, hang around a group of mopeds and soon enough, their owners (being townies) will saunter bak, wankered on cheap cider but pretending (cuz they’re hard) that they’re sober. They will spot you and start walking over (the distinctive ‘i’ve got a shit trying to escape from my back passage’ walk) claiming they’re gonna ‘fuckin batta ya’ if you don’t move away from they’re “expensive transportation”. This is your clue to laugh and then floor them if they piss you off a bit. Or if you’re just a bit bored.