Top Shelf

Excreting one’s fecal matter in such a way that disrupts the olfactory nerves for several days. Originally thought to originate from the 1700’s, recent carbon dating tests reveal top-shelving dates back to the 1400’s. Early techniques of the Top-shelving were in the form of crapping in someone’s sandals and/or robe. Towards the 1800’s the technique evolved, and crapping in one’s wagon, and became the standard practice of implementing a top-shelf. In the 20th Century the top-shelf has taken on a new face. Today’s modern top-shelf are a based upon removing the lid of a toilet and taking a fat deuce in the tank. Typically, the day before completing a top-shelf you want to load up on crabs and fajitas so that your crap will have lethal properties.