The Rift 101

The Rift 101, is the most awesome person ever. He's so ultimately awesome that he'll instantaniously kick your ass just by looking at you. He will grow up and invent the machine that makes bad people ugly. He will free the slaves up the river who live with Barry White and Walt Whitman, and his also ultimately awesome blue ox, Emily Dickinson, who happens to be in a relationship with space Santa. He will fix the people mover that Walt Whitman broke because Walt Whitman bought him a pistachio ice cream cone. He will restore Walt Whitman's name and give him back his trusty sweaty wrestler bazooka so he can destroy the evil looneytunes robot army which The Rift 101 will also create in the future to save humanity from the hellish minions of Wal Mart in 2034, and to aid the army of genetically engineered, highly civilized blue tigers who are pinned down on the planet Chenieg IV because thier BushWacker Rifles ran out of ammunition. The Rift 101 is your future ruler. The Rift 101 is NOT fruit flavored. The Rift 101 will kick your ass so bad with his pinky that your dead ancestors will feel it. The Rift 101 is da SHIZZ!