The Kaden

The Kaden is an entitled, aggressive but physically weak and socially-inept Gen Z male, typically born between 2005 and 2010 and likely addicted to TikTok. Found most commonly in middle-to-upper-middle class suburbs. As a child, the Kaden was usually the kid on 10 different medications and coddled by his divorced parents. He is generally identified by his stupid broccoli haircut, underweight build, pallid complexion, and weird tendency to only wear black t shirts and hoodies. The Kaden has an outrageously inflated sense of self-importance, often claiming—despite a comfortable life—that he is oppressed or victimized by society. Despite his proneness to panic attacks, he is also hyperaggressive and quick to pick fights while simultaneously claiming to be the victim when there is a consequence. Kadens are human chihuahuas: loud, insecure, yappy, aggressive, yet fragile and neurotic. Online, he can be identified by his reliance on stolen African American vernacular—“bro,” “yo,” “I’m dead." Though strongly overlapping with incels, a subset of Kadens do somehow acquire girlfriends. Prime Kaden moments include: 1. Backtalking a cop, getting tackled, then whining that his anxiety is “acting up.” 2. Picking fights with security guards while shaking and on the verge of wetting himself. 3. Gathering in huge packs with other Kadens at McDonald’s and blasting TikToks while laughing maniacally like hyenas. The Kaden is behaviorally very similar to the Karen, except worse in every way.