tech support

A service offered by companies unable to create products that work consistently and/or at all. Most often available via telephone, this service involves one or more employees asking for all of your information short of your fucking eye color, after which, said one or more employees will offer vague, unhelpful suggestions that can already be found in your appliance's manual. If none of said vague, unhelpful suggestions result in an unlikely success, employees will lamely request you attempt to turn off, and turn back on said appliance, after which said employee will A: Disconnect your call or B: Transfer you to an equally unhelpful department.