St. Augustine Prep

St. Augustine Prep is the worst high school ever founded. It is located in the shitty village of Richland, NJ. Nobody actually enjoys going there, they just pretend to, because, A: Their parents pay over $10,000 a year (indeed, St. Augustine's is overpriced), and B: they are afraid of all the meatheads who feel the need to beat up everyone who rags on the damn place. St. Augustine has a terrile record of placing their athletic programs over their academics. This is quite sad when you consider the fact that, for all the money poured into athletics, they continue to lose in just about every sport imaginable, with the exception of Swimming... maybe. Because of this, their academic program is a JOKE. Those who claim to have a "difficult" time there should go to a REAL school, and then see if they can make it. Sadly, many misguided children insist on referring to the school as "The Prep." This is a sad mistake on their part. Also, those who DO call it by its proper name cannot pronounce it properly anyway. They insist on St. "Uhh - guhs - tin." It really ought to be said St. "Aug -iss - teen." Also, it should be noted that the water on the St. Augustine "campus" is radioactice, with high levels of RADON. Do NOT drink the water. Bring some bottled water. St. Augustine is a strange place. While everyone insists on accusing each other of being gay, the funny thing is, they all act 'queerly.' Never in your life will you see so many pictures of the male anatomy drawn all over the walls, books, desks, et cetera. Also, many people think that is funny to turn out the lights and barricade the doors of the locker rooms. They then proceed to touch other students in the dark. As you may imagine, the typical speciman as found at St. Augustine is quite immature. St. Augustine is also home to "The Brotherhood." Like it or not, as soon as you go to school there, they induct you into their cult. The "Initiation Ceremony" is quite sketchy; it involves rubbing the "Lamp of Knowledge" and signing "The Register of Brothers." There is no escape. Run while you still can. St. Augustine 'Prep' also has questionable practices concerning money. If you parents pay $10,000 for each student, and there are ~500 students, then at $5m per year, you'd think that they could fix some things. First, why are students limited to 10 print-outs per month? And why are there no arts programs? And why is the library so pathetically stocked? And why do the science labs look as though they come straight out of the 1950's? Oh, wait! That's right! They spend all their money on sports! Duh! And, they probably pocket a large portion of that $5m, too. THIRD SEMESTER: This is a phrase to be feared by all parents. The basic gist of this program: after classes are finished in May, students go on a required "educational trip," of which there are some 15 +/- choices. In actuality, this is nothing more than a free vacation for those teachers who chaperone it. RELIGIOUS RETREATS: This is a phrase to be feared by children. Basically, all students go a trip each year to enhance their faith... or reinforce their lack there of. A Breakdown: FRESHMEN: One short evening in April/May. SOPHOMORES: Required to spend one week in Camden, NJ, the most dangerous city in the United States. This is suuposed to allow students to empathize with the poor. Instead, it makes them afraid of the poor. JUNIORS: Spend a day in a state prison. They get to make license plates. SENIORS: Go away for a week to God-knows-where. But, lest you be fooled, there are SOME things to LOVE about "the Prep." These include: - Fred, the beloved Dog. SHE is female. - The Secretary. She is SO NICE! - The OLMA girls, form our sister school. They're chill. - The French Teacher. She Rocks. - The College Counselor. He's amazing.