spide

Known in Norn Irn as "steeks" or "spides" these fearsome individuals terrorise the community. Generally you have two types, a "taiggy rebel bawsturt" and an "arenge cont" depending on what estate they live in. Spides can develop as early as 6 and some breeds are even seen until the late twenties. After this most are either in prison or have died from an accident involving a stolen Astra GTE. It is when spides leave thier council estate and enter into civilisation that the public is most at risk. Particularly at risk are those known as "huppys" or "gafeeks" and "skateboarder freaks" are also high on the target list. If these sub cultures are no careful they could get anything from spat upon to gettin thier "balleex nacked in" if they are particular slabbers. Usually Belfasts other sub cultures are as much to blame but this is another matter. At the age of 15 most spides will have been forced to join thier local under 18's paramilitary organisation. This may be the UYM, YCV, PIRA or in the worst case scenario they will be forced to swear into the Divis Hoods Liberation Army. Some of them get a driving test, and the rest of them buy a Nova SR anyway. These are kitted out with a 5" big bore exhaust and 6x9s playing the likes of DJ Tizer or Clubland 6. For the more style concious spide they may ruin their ma's Corsa or Fiesta 1.1 with the XR2i body kit so no-one will know the difference. For the ones that do it the legal way, these cars are always wrapped round a lamp post before the R plates end. At weekends, spides will enjoy daring each other to get served in the local "offees" for a 3 litre bottle of Olde English or, for the particularly hardcore drinkers of the troops, Buckfast Tonic Wine. Once the spide can no longer get away with a bumfluff 'tache and encounters puberty he will develop stubble. At this point they can then venture up in thier Nova SR/Train to Traks and maybe pop half a "cheeser". Once drunk/tripping, a young milly(female counterpart) will be invited back to the car/his mates flat to get "skelped" which will more often than not encounter her getting up the duff. And thus continuing the cycle.