soccer

A game invented by Europeans so that they have an excuse to riot. The rules are simple: Men with perms roll around on the ground faking injuries while not scoring any goals. After the game ends with a 0-0 tie (Nil-Nil for the Euros) the real stars of the game known as Hooligans begin rioting. Riots traditionally begin with flairs thrown to burn the field. Afterwards the refs are chased by the hooligans, sometimes they are caught and killed. In the female version of soccer, women strip if a goal is actually scored. In all forms of the game scoring is so rare that should a ball accidentally cross the goal line, the TV announcers are required to perform a primal scream for the next 30 seconds. Followed by some form of Italian Facsist salute to the crowd and the obligatory riot. Famous soccer players include Rocky Balboa in the movie "Victory" and Mr. Slutty Spice, and Brandi Chastaham.