semen

Semen is a part of a government plot to get rid of America's excess toothpaste and pine fresh by mixing them together, calling the mixture "semen", and spreading it over most of our consumer's food, primarily in school cafeterias. The result is a tasty lard/egg-white substitute, however, too much semen consumption (usually in males) may lead to a build-up in the excretory system (our kidneys, bladder, etc...) and may be ejaculated upon stimulation with pumping, pulling, rubbing, and other painful procedures. The ejaculation of this "semen" is mandatory to remain healthy or side effects may occur, including but not limited to: loneliness, nerdiness, explosion in the urethrea, and/or constipation. Why some females choose to consume the fluid is probably to clean their teeth (toothpaste) or freshen their breath (pine fresh)