self loathing heaves

The feeling one gets when they empty out the spit valve of their musical instrument (a trumpet or trombone, for example) and find that spit is not the only thing that is coming out. The realization that someone has taken it upon themselves to jerk off onto the mouthpiece and into the instrument comes quickly. The accompanying feelings that the person has include (in this order) disbelief, extreme sorrow, rage, hate for the whole world, fear, pity, nausea and other phsycial sickness, and finally hate for themselves. The self loathing heaves are a thing you don't wish on your worst enemy.