Santa

A morbidly obese child molester who lives in the North Pole and, depending on how attractive he finds you, will either put you on his naughty or nice list. The naughty list is for sexually promiscuous kids and adults who will be fucked by Santa Claus on Christmas, and since he deems them more attractive, he will barge in unannounced and violently rape everyone around him. The nice list, on the other hand, is reserved for sexual illiterates, abstainers, and other children. Since Santa deems these people less attractive, he will simply date rape them by spiking their Christmas treats with sedatives. He also watches everything you do at all times. That includes your showering and masturbation sessions. Whichever list you're put on depends on whether or not Santa thinks your body is attractive. Thus, he will make comments on your body parts (especially your ass and genitals) and record it so he can decide on whether or not you're worth fucking (naughty for attractive, nice for less attractive). He also visits malls regularly during the holiday season so that he can trick children into sitting on his lap, which allows him to grope their asses when they least expect it (or boobs, if they're available). Somehow, the FBI is okay with this.