retained firefighter

A part time (volunteer) firefighter. They’re also known as retards, have zero capacity to retain any firefighting knowledge and have fuck all experience actually fighting any real fires (although they can spin a massive yarn about a big fire last year, even though they never went to it). They spend a lot of time playing dress ups and pretend to be real firefighters. Retained firefighters are always seen in public in some sort of fire related t-shirt, especially when not on duty. They can be identified by the 1990’s pager on their hip and the fact that they’ll tell you that they’re a fireman within 0.4 seconds of the start of ANY conversation. The only experience they really get is that of pressing the code 2 acknowledged button on the MDT.