Raw Noodling

Not to be confused with the sport of "noodling", fishing for catfish with your arm, leg, or little sister, Raw Noodling may be used to identify the sexual, though immensely dangerous activity of gently fitting a thin spaghetti, or more appropriately angel hair noodle into the urethra of a man's shaft, sliding it as far as it goes or otherwise until he is notified by the sharp pain running through his penis. This is usually initiated as a sexual fetish response and can be done before, after, or without coitus at all. Raw noodling is rumored to have first developed in Italy, though it's true origin is still disputed. The practice of raw noodling, in it's carnal form, is altogether unsurprisingly dangerous and rather unwise. Those unfortunate enough to be granted the uncordial title of a habitual "raw noodler" are most likely extremely demented human beings and would like nothing more than to invade your own urethra with dried durum wheat semolina pasta sticks. These individuals could be anyone - your local store (Big 5) clerk, your child's friend's soccer mom or dad who picks him up for his games, or the custodial technician at work, mopping floors in the after hours when you're working overtime and seemingly inching closer and closer to your desk. You want to scream "stay back, you weird, little man!", but you find yourself short of breath and perfusely perspirating. It is best to remain cautious when "hookin' up" with such folk.