Punta Gorda

The best town in the Florida... no, wait, the entire WORLD. That is, if you're a) on crack; b) a redneck; or c) over 55. The only entertainment for teens is the small and extremely dull mall and the overpriced movie theatre. Wait... that's in the next town. World-famous as the former Best Place To Live, and now as "the place that got destroyed by Hurricane Charley" in August 2004. Most middle and high school students now attend school in portables thanks to the hurricane that wiped out the (ancient and already falling apart) schools. The high school's mascot is a Fighting Tarpon, and yes, that is a type of fish. The high school is filled with terrible academics, stupid people, a heavy concentration of rednecks and that annoying "I-hate-the-world-so-I'm-going- to-dress-all-in-black-and-not-shower" type of people, vicious and cruel-hearted teachers, and "guidance counselors" that try to send honors students to the local community college. Punta Gorda is the home to a lot of old people year-round and even more during the winter. None of these old people are good drivers. It is also home to a lot of people who graduated from the high school and whose children have teachers that taught their parents. Almost every person under 18 complains about Punta Gorda constantly and plans on leaving imediately following graduation. In fact, getting out of Punta Gorda is such a big deal that some people may even kill themselves if they don't get the hell out of the godforsaken town. When Punta Gorda was on CNN in August 2004 after Hurricane Charley, the caption said, "Punta Gorda - A retirement community." And yes, Punta Gorda really is THAT BAD.