Port

In rowing terms, port can refer to a rower whose oar is on the left side of the boat. Ports are generally less attractive and powerful than their counterparts, starboards, and do not contribute nearly as much to the speed of the boat as starboards do. This is most likely because starboards are genetically superior due to the fact that when a champion mates with another champ (ahhhh), a starboard is born. Studies have shown that port rowers are 30% more likely than starboards to fail in areas outside of rowing and are also 13% less likely to find true happiness or fulfillment in life.