philadelphia

Despite the efforts of fatuous suburbanites that don't live within city limits, it is a fetid, powerful city that appeals to the most prurient of blue collar instincts. The only things more pure than its inferiority complex to New York is its heroin and its hatred towards progress, common sense and education. The city that boasts the largest population of people without college diplomas, the purest and cheapest smack on the East Coast, the most rabid sports fans, and, although it was once the cradle of democracy in the Americas, is best known for a damn good cheesesteak hoagie and Tasty Kakes. It is best experienced while drunk, smoking wet, on pancakes and syrup, shooting Badlands pure smack, or getting a tounge-heavy rusty trombone from some working girl found under the El.